stolen...

i completely stole the following, but it rings SO true....

What does it mean to experience God? Every church culture has their preferred answer to that question, and I have been around long enough to have seen it all. While I certainly acknowledge that God can do whatever he wants, I am concerned that our tendency is to confuse experiencing God with amusing ourselves. I fear that we seek the thrill of God like he is the latest amusement park ride or bungee jump.

Must ecstasy be necessary to validate a God encounter? What about the small, the subtle, the profound…or the ordinary? Have we been conditioned to believe that goose bumps are the ultimate symptom of an authentic encounter with God? Damn, I hope not - because I can get goosebumpy from hearing my daughter, Carlee, sing the national anthem :) (or for me, my son, Maz... doing just about anything)

What if God is in the ordinary and we miss it because we are looking for the big and flashy? What if he is right there at the Little League game, at the homeless shelter, when you are making love to your wife, holding the hand of a friend, or noticing the green in the spring leaves?

Experiencing God isn’t just about having a feeling – as wonderful as that might be. It's about relationship…you know, that messy stuff that encompasses the good, the bad, the attractive and the ugly. God wants us to experience him in the moments of our lives and to respond with questions, the frustrations, the wonder and the awe that really come out of our experiences.

How do we cultivate an existence where experiencing God is a lifestyle? My hunch is that it is primarily about awareness…looking around and taking the time to notice. How different might things be if I viewed every situation of my life as an opportunity to encounter God in some way, which turns into a reason for relationship? Maybe the experience of the ordinary would be sweeter and the pain of the struggles would not be so lonely.

more

"find a way to change your point of view, and that will change.... everything"

one would think that by listing my blessings my point of view would be changed... i've always had the "get over it attitude." so, it bothered me this morning when i was frustrated and i couldn't just "get over it." i went about my day anyway... still frustrated, but trying to make the most of every opportunity... because that's what i do. and, in time it worked... i went sledding with my boys. and then we came to my moms and i got in the hot tub with maz. as soon as i was in there i was feeling better... well, shoot... as soon as i was freezing in the snow with my boys i felt better. some things just take time. not much to say other than that. i love my boys.

today

School was cancelled here in Bremen today. Not a good day. I live in town so I'm not too sure why school was cancelled. There is some snow on the ground, but I thought we could handle a little snow. I guess there is a winter storm warning or something. Oh well. It is what it is. Unfortunately, today I am irritated. And, well.... it's not fun to be irritated. So, now is a good time to list my blessings.

*relationships... This could be an entire list of names, but it would be difficult to make the list complete because really there are so many relationships that are simply blessings to me.

*hugs and kisses... I've got this little boy here that is pretty much always available for a hug or kiss :)

*a warm home

*food

*a vision... God gave me a vision for a youth center in Bremen... i continued seeking Him, praying, praying, and praying some more... and it looks as if this vision may become a reality soon.

I've been praying like crazy for God to work in me and through me... and I know that He will have his way in my life. But, that doesn't mean there won't be difficult days. And, well... that sucks. Every day should be amazing :)

Yet today I will end with a quote that my friend shared on her page....

To be blessed doesn't mean that you are untroubled, healthy, admired, or prosperous. It means that all is well between you and God, that you are deeply secure and profoundly content in God even though you may be weeping over the pain of a sick body, a deteriorating mind, a rebellious spirit, or a dysfunctional relationship. The blessing is not that He gives us what we want but that He gives us Himself, especially in our painful places."-- Nancy Guthrie, One Year Book of Hope, p. 331

Jesus parenting

Jesus didn't have kids, but he did have disciples. Not everyone that is living life has kids, but everyone does have someone that is watching them. For me, it's not only my husband and son... but it's so much more. For me, today, this is particularly prompted by thoughts of my son, but I believe they can be applied to so much more. The more I think about it the more I feel like it applies to ME, but I am trying to instill it in my son.

Here it is,

In John 17 Jesus is praying. First, he prays to be glorified... (as should I)

“Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. ² For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. ³ Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. ⁴ I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do. ⁵ And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began.

Then Jesus prays for his disciples.. (as I pray for my son and those that I influence)

⁶ “I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word. ⁷ Now they know that everything you have given me comes from you. ⁸ For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them. They knew with certainty that I came from you, and they believed that you sent me. ⁹ I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours. ¹⁰ All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through them. ¹¹ I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name, the name you gave me, so that they may be one as we are one. ¹² While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled.

¹³ “I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. ¹⁴ I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. ¹⁵ My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. ¹⁶ They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. ¹⁷ Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. ¹⁸ As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. ¹⁹ For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

This too, is my prayer...

And, thank you, Jesus, for loving us enough to pray to your Father for us!

And further in the chapter Jesus prays for all believers...(which I should also do)

²⁰ “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, ²¹that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. ²² I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— ²³ I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

²⁴ “Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.

²⁵ “Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. ²⁶ I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”

Good stuff. God is good. He leads me. I pray that I stay in a place of surrender to Him. Today, I surrender myself to you, Jesus. I am yours.

Today, what are you praying for? Will you surrender?

hope

romans 8:18-27

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. ¹⁹ For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. ²⁰ For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope ²¹ that^{h]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[h]} the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

²² We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. ²³ Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. ²⁴ For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? ²⁵ But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

i usually read the first verse in that and stop. it's so true.... our present sufferings are NOT worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed in us.

I always thought of Heaven and eternity. I always thought about how our suffering here is not worth worrying about because of an awesome eternity that awaits us. What I did not do was realize that God wants us to hope for more... not just eternity, but now.

Pregnancy is 9 months (or more if you're me) of anticipating a child... a life that will be brought into the world. At times pregnancy can be exhausting. At times pregnancy can be a pain. But, I was also definitely eagerly expecting what God was going to give me. And, I am SO happy with what he did give me!

Sometimes the process of life is like pregnancy. The difference for me is that I want change, but I'm not hopeful and I don't have that eager anticipation that I had with my pregnancy. I just want out of the situation that I am currently in.

After reading that passage last night I feel like some hope was birthed in me :) Sure, I want out of the situation that is hard and hurting, but I am praying for peace during the "pregnancy".... or hard time.

God is good. He has plans for our family. And, I am expectant! I fully commit to seeking Him and am eagerly anticipating what is to come! Yet, I will also enjoy the "pregnancy". I will follow God today and do what He is telling me to :)

Be blessed!

beauty.....

1 Peter 3:3
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

This society sucks.

todays mazism

you can learn a lot from kids. today maz was talking to someone (a 50 year old someone) who said they could use a friend. and maz said, "really? if you need a friend all you have to do is ask Jesus for a friend. he'll give you one. and if you want a brother and sister you have to ask Jesus too."

not only is my kid freaking hilarious... my kid is full of wisdom :)

Jesus feeds the 5000

Michael was reading that Bible story to Maz tonight before bed. At the end of each little story in the Bible we have for Maz there is a question or 2. After the story it talked about how the little boy gave Jesus something little and Jesus turned it into something really significant. Then it asked the question, "What could you give Jesus?" And, Maz said to Michael, "hmmmm... i don't know.... some meatloaf or something.... meatloaf is good."

Once again, my kid is freaking hilarious.

who am i?

“For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people. Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves.”- 1 Peter 2:15-16

do you ever hear a message and thing, "so and so needs to hear this."? or do you ever read scripture and think, "if only so and so read this this morning."? or do you ever hear a song and think, "wow... that fits so and so's life perfectly."?

this is something i have dealt with a lot in my life. it's just a form of judgment. and, it's not where i want to be. i am commited to being who God wants me to be... i am commited to being concerned about my life... and not always trying to "fix" others.

let me clarify... i don't think it's wrong to think of other people in an encouraging way. i just think it's wrong to pin a verse on a person in a simply angered or judgmental way. you can sort out the differences for yourself, but i understand what i mean :)

the whole chapter of 1 Peter 2 is pretty awesome, and i learned a lot by reading it today. i learned a lot about myself. i am grateful that i have been given the faith to believe easily that what God has for me is good.... even if it is sometimes not fun or isn't easy.

⁹ But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. ¹⁰ Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

yay.

Sanctus Real - Lead Me (Lyrics)

wow

so, my day has been full of blessings. first, i woke to 2 little voices down the hall... mazerick had his cousin brody spend the night, and they had a blast. they are a joy. second, i got to blow the rest of the leaves off of our lawn... with my moms new snowblower. it was awesome and fun. third, i got to spend some quality time with the man i love. he is amazing. that leads me to a song that i heard later in the evening by sanctus real that is awesome... the song is on my next blog. anyway, yeah. it's good. i am so happy with where God has me in life. it's not always easy, but i know he's in control, and that makes me full of joy... and fortunately i'm in a spot in my life where not only is m life full of joy, but it's also full of happiness. sure, some days are extremely hard, but i know that i've got a great support system... my husband, my family, my friends... shoot, even my kid. lot's of people to love. God is good. anyway, on with my list of blessings from today.... so, there was the quality time with my husband, and after he went to work i got some quality time with my computer :) facebook, browsing blogs, etc. then... i had quality time with "my girls" minus the lovely jenni blye who is now serving in sunny and warm florida. congrats to jenni! and then, i got to go to a "training" for the holy walk. i am really, really excited about it. you should definitely go. I found a pretty good description in the Chicago paper online... "This walk-through living history presentation features volunteers who portray characters from Roman soldiers to shepherds tending sheep, the Holy Family and a live nativity. Check the website for more information. Dec. 3-4, 2010."

anyway, it should be fun... hmmmm, my font changed.

after the "training" was over i went to pick up mazerick from my mom who so graciously watched him last minute so i didn't have to take him. as i was leaving i opened the door and said, "and he told me all about the chocolate." and maz said, "did you just call me andy?" the kid is freakin hilarious.

the end.

today

today is michaels day off. i love it when he has days off. let me give you just a snippet into our life today.

green bay is playing football on the tv.

michael: well, that's pointless.

me: what?

michael: the cheerleaders are wearing coats. they may as well have been given the day off.

wow. that's all i have to say about that.

i love my husband :)

thoughts to words

i rode into work with michael today. i dropped him off and came to panera to finish my book and have some quiet time. my thought process was pretty amusing. i honestly thought, "i hope i don't see anyone i know. i'm just in the mood to be alone for a bit." and, i really couldn't even believe i was thinking that. anyway, if i didn't want to see anyone i knew then why did i keep looking at every person that i came across. i could have just kept my head in my book and distracted, but nooooooooo..... i had to look at everyone. curiosity killed the cat they say :) anyway, i did not see anyone i know... not yet anyway :)

it's funny how my mind works though. i didn't want to see anyone i know, but i did want to be around people. and, even though i didn't know them i was very much entertained by a family that was sitting near me. it apppeared to be a couple about grandparents age, a woman and her two teenage sons. i wished i would have had my laptop out when they were here because they totally had me laughing with their conversation.

i really like listening to others conversations. unfortunately none that i am hearing right now are blogworthy.

people are funny.

my calling and boys :)

so, while i was reading a book for my book club (which i absolutely LOVE), one of the characters said something that i really have thought about. she said, "not everyone recieves a calling. most people just fall into something." very interesting.... i don't think i agree, but it has definitely created some thought. i think that the people that "don't recieve a calling" are really just not looking. Jesus said, "for i know the plans i have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." so, God's got plans for us.... that's our calling... we just need to seek it. my calling for the future is to open a youth center in bremen. that's what i have been called to do. i heard God. in the meantime that doesn't mean i should sit on my butt and just wait for it to happen. i have to get out there, form a nonprofit, get donatiions and grants, work, work, work. but i'm not going to neglect today either. i'm going to fulfill God's calling for my life daily. my daily calling is to be the woman God wants me to be. raise my boy with Gods help and be a help mate to my husband i know it's not all about that. i know that my identity is in Christ and Christ alone, but He has called me to do these things... be a loving mom and wife... and teach my son. speaking of my son... it's really cruddy out here today.... rainy, and the like. and maz has his friend from preschool over, hunter. this is the first time hunter has come over, and these boys are having the time of their life. they are loving it. it's fun to watch them laugh and play together. it's fun to know that God is placing people in Mazericks life from a young age that can be an encouragement and friend to him. i'm glad i get to be a part of it!

my kid :)

is funny. i could stop there, but i will share a few reasons why.

he completely mimics my husband. luckily i am fortunate enough that my husband is pretty funny too.

maz is playing wii golf with grandpa right now and he just said, "aw, can you believe that, bruce?" in a really cute voice.

he swings around like crazy while playing the wii. a lot of times it doesn't even matter what he is playing. could be baseball. could be golf. could be mario kart.... whatever, the boy is always using his energy :)

he's been on this singing kick. he sings a lot... makes me laugh.

he has this new laugh. it sounds almost fake.

he is better at wii sports than most of us.

he has awesome hair.

the irony in my own cynicism

so, i have been thinking, learning, the whole gammut lately. so, we are now part of a house church because that's where we feel God's got us.... making disciples, and my husband really feels called to this. so, i'm in. it has made me a bit skeptical or cynical about the larger church. not 100% because there are still things about the larger church that i absolutely love. but, i do have some cynicism. i love the vineyard church and that's where i normally attend if i go to a larger church. but last night i went to gcc because, well, because my brother asked me. his wife anna plays sax there and she was playing. i don't want to be skeptical, but i just am. it's something that just is. i'm sure most people have things in their life like that. if you do and you'd be willing to share that'd be great. i used to go there and i really liked it. and, i realized last night that i still really enjoy it. bob laurent is one of the pastors there and i've always loved hearing him speak. he spoke last night. the music was good and the message was great. he spoke on exactly what i needed to hear. you should check it out on their website. the ironic part (my cynicism) is that God chose to speak to me through something that i'm just cynical of. and, i don't want to be cynical. i love what they do there. i really appreciate them. go gcc... hats off to ya! not that you need my hat off, but anyway... thanks for what you do :)

.

another mazism....

i can't stop... i've put him to bed 3 times tonight.... but, while putting him to bed he kept getting up and i just let him sit with me... i'm watching letters to God... and it's about a little boy who writes letters to God. anyway, this kid was telling his brother he should write letters to God and that was his favorite way to talk to God... and i said to maz, "you can write letters to God when you get bigger." and he said, "i already write letters to God. but i can only write 2 letters to God. P and O."

what a freaking cute kid.

todays mazism

so, i'm on the computer and maz is playing wii. i tell him to go to the bathroom before he starts the next game. he says, "nah." i say, "if you don't go to the bathroom you don't get to play another game." and he says.... "harsh."

i was like, did you just say harsh? and he was like, yeah... that's what daddy always says :) what a great kid!

just some thoughts

i've been struggling with, well, just with being i guess. i'm all about making other people happy. but, in the mean time i've forgotten about myself. well, i don't want to stop being there for other people. i don't want to stop making other people happy, because in all reality, that's part of what makes me happy... making others happy. but, what i do need to do is remember myself. remember that it's not really all about others. what makes me happy? outside of others, what makes me happy?

*games
*hearing from Jesus :)
*music
*the internet (i know... it's shallow, but true)
*fun movies
*food :)

man, it's so hard to make a list without including things with people. in all reality i can't really get a lot of enjoyment without other people. sorry, but that's just me. sure, i've heard, "well i can't make you happy" yada, yada... it's true... a person in themselves can't make someone happy, but i think it's okay to be happier because we get to share life with people. hmmm... i think that was a tangent. :)

on to what i was really thinking about.... Jesus... yeah, he's cool

the first thing that Jesus reminded me of today was in 1 john...."let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth." that is what i really needed to hear today because i've been really trying to love my husband by "being there for him." (my words, not his) and, i've been trying to say the right thing because i figured if i can just say certain things he'll feel loved... and it was killing me... it was killing me because i wasn't able to say the right thing. finally, i went in the other room and spent some time with Jesus.... and he said to me... check this out.... and then there was that verse. how freaking awesome is that? pretty awesome.

and also, i am reading in proverbs.... and proverbs 2 says this:

my son, if you accept my words
and store up my commands within you,

turning your ear to wisdom
and applying your heart to understanding

and if you call out for insight
and cry aloud for understanding

and if you look for it as silver
and search for it as hidden treasure

then you will understand the fear of the Lord
and find the knowledge of God.

wow... if that's not something to chew on and think about i don't know what is.

ah, back to the origination of this post... it really makes me smile when i make people smile. wow, this has been kind of all over the place, huh?

life and identity

so, i've been in this spot lately where i've been realizing where my identity is, and thinking about what i want it to be, etc. etc. and, i've realized... i've come to terms with.... the fact that i'm not like beth moore, and some of those other really good writers, but here i am anyway :)

i have really been relying on God. a lot. and, He has been teaching me. and, i've been seeing things in a different light. well, kind of. you see, i've always loved God and sought his will for my life. i've known of all the things that i "should" do-spiritually. all of the things that i "should" do to keep my relationship with God in the forefront. and the other night my husband (who is so awesome) was telling a friend that when it comes to her relationship with God she needs to take all of the "should" out and just be with him. Get to know him and who He wants you to be. I've known this forever, but think i got stuck in a rut again.... of "shoulding". And, where do you go from there?

well, i went here...

colossians 4:2 says, "devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful." and i went to proverbs... because the vineyard church is doing that, and i like doing that kind of stuff with people. and, i've been going to friends.... cause they are awesome. yep.

and, i've been thinking a lot about my identity lately. i want to be exactly who God wants me to be. i want to be a good wife, a good mom, and a good friend. but, i also just want to be. i think more importantly than being a good wife, mom and friend God wants me to just be. be happy in him. be grateful. be open to listening. and just be. so, that's where i'm at.

stealing again

sometimes i've just got to share...

Lesson with a Hairbrush
by Beth Moore

Knoxville airport all waiting to board planes:


I had the Bible on my lap and was very intent upon what I was doing. I'd had a marvelous morning with the Lord. I say that because I want to tell you it is a scary thing to have the Spirit of God really working in you. You could end up doing some things you never would have done otherwise. Life in the Spirit can be dangerous for a thousand reasons not the least of which is your ego...

I tried to keep from staring but he was such a strange sight. Humped over in a wheelchair, he was skin and bones, dressed in clothes that obviously fit when he was at least twenty pounds heavier. His knees protruded from his trousers, and his shoulders looked like the coat hanger was still in his shirt. His hands looked like tangled masses of veins and bones. The strangest part of him was his hair and nails. Stringy grey hair hung well over his shoulders and down part of his back. His fingernails were long. Clean, but strangely out of place on an old man.

I looked down at my Bible as fast as I could, discomfort burning my face. As I tried to imagine what his story might have been, I found myself wondering if I'd just had a Howard Hughes sighting. Then, I remembered reading somewhere that he was dead. So this man in the airport...an impersonator maybe? Was a camera on us somewhere?....

There I sat trying to concentrate on the Word to keep from being concerned about a thin slice of humanity served on a wheelchair only a few seats from me. All the while my heart was growing more and more overwhelmed with a feeling for him. Let's admit it. Curiosity is a heap more comfortable than true concern, and suddenly I was awash with aching emotion for this bizarre-looking old man.

I had walked with God long enough to see the handwriting on the wall. I've learned that when I begin to feel what God feels, something so contrary to my natural feelings, something dramatic is bound to happen. And it may be embarrassing. I immediately began to resist because I could feel God working on my spirit and I started arguing with God in my mind. "Oh no, God please no." I looked up at the ceiling as if I could stare straight through it into heaven and said, "Don't make me witness to this man. Not right here and now. Please. I'll do anything. Put me on the same plane, but don't make me get up here and witness to this man in front of this gawking audience. Please, Lord!"

There I sat in the blue vinyl chair begging His Highness, "Please don't make me witness to this man. Not now. I'll do it on the plane." Then I heard it..."I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to brush his hair."

The words were so clear, my heart leapt into my throat, and my thoughts spun like a top. Do I witness to the man or brush his hair? No brainer. I looked straight back up at the ceiling and said, "God, as I live and breathe, I want you to know I am ready to witness to this man. I'm on this Lord. I'm your girl! You've never seen a woman witness to a man faster in your life. What difference does it make if his hair is a mess if he is not redeemed? I am on him. I am going to witness to this man."

Again as clearly as I've ever heard an audible word, God seemed to write this statement across the wall of my mind. "That is not what I said, Beth. I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to go brush his hair."

I looked up at God and quipped, "I don't have a hairbrush. It's in my suitcase on the plane. How am I suppose to brush his hair without a hairbrush?"

God was so insistent that I almost involuntarily began to walk toward him as these thoughts came to me from God's word: "I will thoroughly finish you unto all good works." (2 Tim 3:7) I stumbled over to the wheelchair thinking I could use one myself. Even as I retell this story my pulse quickens and I feel those same butterflies.

I knelt down in front of the man, and asked as demurely as possible, "Sir, may I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?"

He looked back at me and said, "What did you say?"

"May I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?"

To which he responded in volume ten, "Little lady, if you expect me to hear you, you're going to have to talk louder than that.

At this point, I took a deep breath and blurted out, "SIR, MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF BRUSHING YOUR HAIR?" At which point every eye in the place darted right at me. I was the only thing in the room looking more peculiar than old Mr. Longlocks. Face crimson and forehead breaking out in a sweat.

I watched him look up at me with absolute shock on his face, and say, "If you really want to." Are you kidding? Of course I didn't want to. But God didn't seem interested in my personal preference right about then. He pressed on my heart until I could utter the words, "Yes, sir, I would be pleased. But I have one little problem. I don't have a hairbrush."

"I have one in my bag," he responded.

I went around to the back of that wheelchair, and I got on my hands and knees and unzipped the stranger's old carry-on hardly believing what I was doing. I stood up and started brushing the old man's hair.

It was perfectly clean, but it was tangled and matted. I don't do many things well, but I must admit I've had notable experience untangling knotted hair mothering two little girls. Like I'd done with either Amanda or Melissa in such a condition, I began brushing at the very bottom of the strands, remembering to take my time not to pull.

A miraculous thing happened to me as I started brushing that old man's hair.... Everybody else in the room disappeared. There was no one alive for those moments except that old man and me. I brushed and brushed and I brushed until every tangle was out of that hair. I know this sounds so strange but I've never felt that kind of love for another soul in my entire life. I believe with all my heart, I—for that few minutes—felt a portion of the very love of God. That He had overtaken my heart for a little while like someone renting a room and making Himself at home for a short while. The emotions were so strong and so pure that I knew they had to be God's.

His hair was finally as soft and smooth as an infant's. I slipped the brush back in the bag, went around the chair to face him. I got back down on my knees, put my hands on his knees, and said, "Sir, do you know my Jesus?"

He said, "Yes, I do." Well, that figures.

He explained, "I've known Him since I married my bride. She wouldn't marry me until I got to know the Savior." He said "You see, the problem is, I haven't seen my bride in months. I've had open-heart surgery, and she's been too ill to come see me. I was sitting here thinking to myself what a mess I must be for my
bride."

Only God knows how often He allows us to be part of a divine moment when we're completely unaware of the significance. This, on the other hand, was one of those rare encounters when I knew God had intervened in details only He could have known. It was a God moment, and I'll never forget it.

Our time came to board, and we were not on the same plane. I was deeply ashamed of how I'd acted earlier and would have been so proud to have accompanied him on that aircraft.

I still had a few minutes, and as I gathered my things to board, the airline hostess returned from the corridor, tears streaming down her cheeks. She said, "That old man's sitting on the plane, sobbing. Why did you do that? What made you do that?"

I said, "Do you know Jesus? He can be the bossiest thing!" And we got to share.

I learned something about God that day. He knows if you're exhausted because you're hungry, you're serving in the wrong place or it is time to move on but you feel too responsible to budge. He knows if you're hurting or feeling rejected. He knows if you're sick or drowning under a wave of temptation. Or He knows if you just need your hair brushed. He sees you as an individual. Tell Him your need!

I got on my own flight, sobs choking my throat, wondering how many opportunities just like that one had I missed along the way...all because I didn't want people to think I was strange. God didn't send me to that old man. He sent that old man to me.

John 1:14 "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We
have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the
Father, full of grace and truth."

Excerpt taken from "Further Still", by Beth Moore, B & H Publishing Group, Nashville TN. Copyright © 2004 Beth Moore.

desires

do you ever have these desires that you feel like are from God, but they just aren't being fulfilled? i do.

the den

so, i started a blog for the den youth center. check it out.

feeling sorry for yourself?

i get frustrated sometimes. today i felt like God led me to 1 peter. and, the following is the first thing i read...

Cultivate Inner Beauty

^1-4The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition.

actually i read it in the niv first so it says, "wives, be submissive to your husbands." which was funny to me.... i was like, "man, why would God lead me to that scripture right now?" ugh. anyway, i like my husband :) read on...

^4-6Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as "my dear husband." You'll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.

⁷The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God's grace, you're equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don't run aground.

Suffering for Doing Good

^8-12Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless—that's your job, to bless. You'll be a blessing and also get a blessing.

Whoever wants to embrace life
and see the day fill up with good,
Here's what you do:
Say nothing evil or hurtful;
Snub evil and cultivate good;
run after peace for all you're worth.
God looks on all this with approval,
listening and responding well to what he's asked;
But he turns his back
on those who do evil things.

^13-18If with heart and soul you're doing good, do you think you can be stopped? Even if you suffer for it, you're still better off. Don't give the opposition a second thought. Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you're living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy. Keep a clear conscience before God so that when people throw mud at you, none of it will stick. They'll end up realizing that they're the ones who need a bath. It's better to suffer for doing good, if that's what God wants, than to be punished for doing bad. That's what Christ did definitively: suffered because of others' sins, the Righteous One for the unrighteous ones. He went through it all—was put to death and then made alive—to bring us to God.

that is some good stuff :) i love Jesus :)

today

typically i do not sleep past 7:30. this is in large due to the fact that mazerick wakes up pretty early. but today, i rolled over to see the clock say 8:21. oh my. maz has to be at school at 9. okay, well we've still got time to get up and get ready and get him there on time. so, i get up and get dressed. i go down the hall to get maz up. i go in his room and say, maz... time to get up. and he says, "mom, you've got to be kidding me." no joke. even in his sleep he's funny. i was like, yeah maz. you've got to get up to go to school. and he says, "but i'm still sleeping." i say, "okay, well... you need to start waking up. i'm going downstairs, but i'm leaving your door open so you can start to wake up and get up on your own." and i went downstairs... not a minute later i hear "click" he closes his door. what a kid :) he got up about 5 minutes later, but man... that kid cracks me up :)

God is good :)

inspiring

people in general really inspire me. my friend sarah is inspiring to me.... she's not just inspiring, she's awesome... anyway, i stole the following right off of her page :)

...this week in nancy guthries "one year book of hope", i pondered this as i read;

To run from suffering is to refuse to see God's hand at work in the midst of it To run from suffering is to rejectthe lssns God has for you in it..
While Jesus tells us no to run from suffering, he suggests we do more than simply endure it. He admonishes us to embrace it... To embrac suffering is to enjoy God's presence in your life even when you are filled with questions fo rhim. To embrace suffering is to enter into a deeper relationship wit God that you could not hav enjoyed without experencing pentetrating pain. The suffering not only makes you crave such a elationship, it gives you the capacity to savor it. Ultimately, to embrace suffering is to allow your now broken heart to be more easily rebroken by the thing that break the heart of God.

*wow*

If you are suffering according to God's will, keep on doing what is right, and trust yourself to the God who made you, for He will never fail you. 1 Pet. 4:19

now, that, my friends.... is intense.

the rest of my trip and coming home

i left off with a story of being seperated from my friends and fortunately being brought back together with them. it was pretty awesome. as a matter of fact the entire vacation was pretty awesome.

it was exactly at time in my life when i needed it. just the week or two before i had been struggling with feeling "my worth". i had been feeling like i was a burden to everyone, that the "plan that God has for me" was not working out, and that being a mom and wife that God wants me to be was just draining. so, a week where i could just focus on being happy, listening to God, and relaxing was much needed.

the hike was monday so i'll pick up with tuesday. tuesday we went to the top of the rocky mountains and it was beautiful and awesome. at the top of the mountain we saw mountain goats and even baby mountain goats jumping over one another. Gods creation was awesome and it was really fun to be in it. i did freak out the entire way up and down the mountain, but it was totally worth it.

we ended up kind of pushing it on time when on the top of the mountain because we had horseback riding reservations at 5:30 at a place called "the van eden ranch". and wow. they seemed a little bit flighty on the phone, but really we had no idea what was in store for us. everyone that lived/worked there was a hippy, and i have nothing against hippies (as a matter of fact there is something really cool about it), but most of them were pretty high/stoned. and, i'm not talking about the fact that we were in the mountains or that there were a lot of rocks. yeah. pretty cool. our "guide" smelled of marijuana and kept laughing every time my horse refused to walk. my horse was really stubborn. he would stop in the middle of a bunch of trees. refuse to walk with the other horses. ram my leg against a tree. take me right through a tree and if i would be more flexible i would be doing some matrix moves, but since i'm not it just hurt. needless to say i was pretty disappointed with that whole experience. but, it was beautiful :)

and on wednesday we went into boulder and just went shopping. it was a very relaxing day.... at the end of it we went to boulder dinner theater and saw peter pan. honestly, i think seeing peter pan was my favorit part of the trip. the actors and actresses were the wait staff. watching all of the kids was fun, but the play itself was just a ton of fun. my friends said i should join a theatre group and begin acting myself and i just may look into it. it was way fun. and i bought a super cool peter pan pop up book too.

thursday morning we went to the airport, and i was freaking out the whole time. what if we're too late? what if i miss my flight? what if there are problems? what if? what if? what if? anyway, despite my anxieties i made it. at the end of security in denver the security guy was like, "i need to check your bag." so, sure... i had him check my bag. just my luck.... michael had left his pocket knife in the front pocket and i hadn't even noticed it! and, no one at the other airports noticed it either! i was in the midst of freaking out so i just had him keep it, but it wasn't really a big deal. just one more reason to freak out :) i made it to my plane and everything went well from there.

when i got home mazerick ran to me and gave me a hug, but seriously... it was almost as if i weren't out of town to him. he had a great time with his grandma. i called him on wednesday and said, "hey, tomorrow you get to come to the airport with grammy and pick me up." and he said, "cool, but right now i'm going to eat eggs." i'm glad he had fun, but he could have missed me a little :) and after he ran into my arms at the airport he says one thing.... not, "i love you, or i missed you." but, "i get to play with zane today!" i'm glad to be back with him :)

and i took him to the fair last night and he got to ride a bunch of rides. he had a great time. and today i took him bowling with zane and my mom. that was fun too :) now, it's back to real life and relaxing.

and my vacation gave me a good close God time and good time with friends. God is good and life is fun :)

stories...

so, it's been forever. i know. and, i just had a really long blog typed out, but my stupid computer shut down. anyway. here i go.... again.

so, i came to denver on saturday to celebrate our 30th birthdays with bekah and beth. they met me here. it's been an awesome time. saturday we got settled in, went to 16th street mall, ate crepes, walked around in the rain, and went to marakesh. marakesh is a morrocan restaurant where we got to sit on the floors and experience morroco at it's finest :) we got a 5 course morrocan meal, and there was supposed to be a belly dancer, but she wasn't there. bummer. it was a lot of fun, and bekah got a free dessert because it was her birthday.

sunday we went white water rafting which was also totally awesome. and in the evening we went to casa bonita which was fun too.

but today... today we went hiking at the red rocks. it's been awesome to be in Gods beautiful creation and see what he has made for us! anyway, today comes with a story :)

we decided to go hiking from matthews/winters park up to the red rock amphitheater. it's about a 3 1/2 mile hike. but, it is also a 3 1/2 miles back to the car. so i tell the girl that i will hike with them to the amphitheater, but they will have to hike back on their own while i wait for them because there is no way that in my shape i am in a place that i can hike 7 miles. especially in this altitude. it was amazingly beautiful. we got to a place in the trail where it crossed the street, and the girls wanted to eat lunch so we stopped. they ate their turkey sandwiches while i went over to a gentleman in a car and asked him the best way to get tothe amphitheater. he told me that the easiest way would be to walk up the road about a mile. so, we decided to split here as we were all very tired. bekah gave me the bag with the food in it, and i decided to eat in the shade at the amphitheater. so, we parted. they went back to the car and i went to the amphitheater. about 500 feet from the theater i was like, "i hope they got the keys out of the bag." they hadn't. oops. i'm in a bit of a situation here. so, i prayed and asked God for wisdom. (it helps that i've been really close to Him lately:)) i decided i needed to find a ride back to the car because there was no way i was going to walk back there, and i was pretty sure when they got there and figured it out that they wouldn't want to walk all the way back up to the amphitheater again. so, i found some ladies that looked to be about my moms age and told them my dilemma. they told the rest of their party and they ended up taking me to the car. by now i'm dripping with sweat and have a really bad headache from all of heat and walking, and i'm out of water. but, i'm back in the car at least where it is air conditioned :) i'm in a bit of a panic mode as i'm concerned for bekah and beth. what if they were already here? what if they are on their way back to the theatre? what to do? what to do? well, i call michael and tell him my situation. i come to the conclusion that i will wait here and if i see anyone come out of the trail i will describe bekah and beth and see if they have seen them. so, i've decided to wait. i wasn't even finished telling michael what i had decided and i look over by the entrance to the trail, and who do you guess walks out looking really panicked? it's bekah and beth! yipee! i really am thankful that God watches over us. just saying :)

a new day

i had an amazing weekend with my best friend Michael and my favorite kid in the whole world Maz.... and some great friends.

i've decided that i'm going to read "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. there's been some controversy over the book, but that's not why i'm reading it. i'm reading because i feel like God keeps tugging at my heart and pushing me to read it. today, i read another excerpt from it, and i will share it here.

the prayer especially hit home for me. i made bold the part that was huge for me....

Someone I Can Be Real With
If you merely pretend that you enjoy God or love Him, He knows.
You can’t fool Him; don’t even try. Instead, tell Him how you feel.
Tell Him that He isn’t the most important thing in this life to you,
and that you are sorry for that. Tell Him that you’ve been lukewarm,
that you’ve chosen _____________ over Him time and again.
Tell Him that you want Him to change you, that you long to genuinely enjoy Him.
Tell Him how you want to experience true satisfaction and pleasure and
joy in your relationship with Him. Tell Him you want to love Him more than
anything on this earth. Tell Him you want to experience the kingdom of heaven so much so that you’d willingly sell everything in order to get it.
Tell Him what you like about Him, what you appreciate, what brings you joy.

Jesus, I need to give myself up. I am not strong enough to love you and walk with You on my own.
I can’t do it, I need You. I need You deeply and desperately. I believe You are worth it, that You are better than anything else I could have in this life. I want You. And when I don’t, I want to want You. Be all in me. Take all of me. Have Your way with me.

Crazy Love by Frances Chan

conversations of a strange man :)

today we were at a party. it was lots of fun... God is good! miracles all around us, but today we were celebrating our good friend maggie who is now cancer free!

my son had a few conversations with a friend of ours that i shall refer to as a strange man :) he shall remain nameless...

strange man: do you know your grammy stinks?

maz: hmmmm.

strange man: do you have any girlfriends?

maz: no. they are not nice to me.

strange man: are you nice to everyone?

maz: yes.

strange man: you shouldn't be nice to grammy. she stinks.

maz: layla is nice to me.

strange man: did you get to see grandpa this morning?

maz: yeah. he got me a balloon. it's cool.

strange man: if i come to your house i will pop your balloon.

maz: that man over there has an angry face on.

strange man: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

strange man, if you happen to read this, i love ya! but don't pop my sons balloons :)

another mazism...

so, mazerick has this new thing, which i am pretty sure i can attribute to grandpa bruce dickie.... it's called funny joke time. he'll tell me some ridiculous joke like, "there were two guys walking down the street and they got hit in the head with toilet paper." or something like that. so i started telling him knock knock jokes...

knock knock: who's there?

dwayne.

dwayne who?

dwayne the bathtub i'm dwowning.

knock knock: who's there?

jello

jello who?

jell0 hit the tv.

knock knock: who's there?

apple.

apple who?

apple hit the tv.

like how they go? we laughed really hard. that's all that really mattered. he wanted to do them all night. he kept saying... knock knock. knock knock. knock knock. he just wanted to keep doing "funny joke time." finally i said, okay i get the last one. he was like, okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

knock knock: who's there?

good.

good who?

good night.

hahahahahahahahahahaha. he laughed and laughed and laughed. i shut his door and he yelled... hahahahagoodnight!

a good ending to the day :)

however, 2 hours later i hear him crying. he never cries in the middle of the night.. he's an awesome sleeper. so, i come upstairs to check on him. his door is open. i say, maz, where are you? he keeps crying. i begin to worry. what if he's on the roof again? that would suck. anyway. i walk down the hall... the crying continues. where are you maz? crying "i'm in your room." he's pretty hysterical. i get to my room... he is underneath the covers and the pillows. i say, what is wrong? he cries hysterically... i dropped my teddy. oh my. so i give him his teddy. by this time daddy is also upstairs. he picks maz up and comforts him.. anyway, maz wants to lay in here with us for a while. so, i decide it's time to stay upstairs. i'm talking with maz a bit.

"why were you crying?"

"cause i dropped my teddy."

"why didn't you just get down to get it?

"it was real dark and kind of scary."

"why did you come in here?"

"i touched my mickey nightlight cause i wanted to see if it was hot, but i touched the side and it wasn't hot and then i turned it and the side wasn't hot, but the lightbulb was, and then i unplugged it. so i went to the bathroom and then came to your room. i want to watch baseball. does daddy like baseball..."

i think he's fine :)

so i took him back to his room.

"can we do funny joke time?"

what a kid :)

what's to it...

sometimes we get off to a rough start. it could be a day, a job, a relationship, a game.... just about anything. well, today i felt like i got off to a rough start. mazerick and i came downstairs at about 8 this morning. i give him something for breakfast, but instead of eating he brings me some oreo cookies. i tell him he needs to eat some cereal or something halfway healthy before he eats oreos. i know. i'm such a mean mom. anyway, he just throws a fit. starts crying/whining... whatever you want to call it. i tell him as long as he is whining i am not going to get him anything. a few minutes later he says... mom, we need to go put my pull up on the trampoline.

*side note.... i got him an alligator pool yesterday at a garage sale for 5 bucks... have i said i love garage sales lately? well, I love garage sales!

anyway, i laughed and we went about our day. i picked up around the house... he ate some yogurt for breakfast... didn't want to eat anything more... just wanted the oreos. didn't get the oreos, but anyway... i let him watch some cartoons while i picked up and took my shower. once i was ready i said... okay maz, lets go... and if you do a good job while i'm helping my friend move then you can come home and we can set up your pool.

let me fast forward a little bit here. i have the pool up and mazerick is having the time of his life with 2 neighbor boys. it was so fun to watch. yes i got wet, but it was definitely worth seeing the smiles on their faces, and hearing their laughter :)

anyway... the boys eventually left and mazerick kept saying... "come on mom... come in and get baptized..." so cute. definitely the highlight of my day :)

so i said all of this to say... sometimes it doesn't matter how you start out... God'll work it all for good :) every last bit of it.

sometimes

sometimes God speaks to us loud and clear. sometimes it's because we are listening. sometimes it's because we want something specific. sometimes it just is.

have you ever been praying about something and God kind of does a u-turn on you? have you ever figured out when God speaks to you the most? have you ever tried to stop your thoughts and say, okay God, speak to me what you want to? have you ever been thinking about one thing specifically and God cuts in and tells you something that you feel is totally random to what your agenda had in mind?

yeah. God did that to me tonight. and, it helped me figure something out. God speaks to me in these late hours. i wanted to be sleeping. i tried to sleep. after i had laid in bed for over an hour i began praying. praying for this youth center that God has put on my heart. praying for children. praying for our family.

and guess what God did...

in regards to family he said, "Do not worry. You will have more childen."

but later, yeah, later.... after i continued praying, for the youth center.... and specifically for a building.... guess what He does to me. he says.... LOUD AND CLEAR.... "Stop drinking mountain dew."

Boo. yeah, totally not a fan of that. but.... when God told Jonah to go somewhere and he didn't.... uh, well.... not so good things happened to him... so, guess i will stop drinking mountain dew. it's a sad day.

must repeat.... times infinity

He made me. I am His. He loves me. He made me. I am His. He loves me. He made me. I am His. He loves me. He made me. I am his. He loves me..

oh yeah, and this video below makes me emotional every time. i can never make it through dry eyed.

it's cardboard testimonies... watch it. it's worth your time. even if you've seen it before.

notes from an eavesdropper

so, my friend regan totally blogs conversations that she hears. it's great. i love it. i am so going to do it. especially when we don't have the internet anymore. it may be a little more difficult to disguise things as i live in totally small town america, but i will. it's going to be so much fun. i'm stoked. bring on the no internet days so i can blog once again from the coffee shop and the library... and anywhere else i may be able to eavesdrop... good times!

tim estes... a random blogger

so, i don't know this guy, but he has some great things to say in his blog... so great that i figured i needed to copy and paste this one on religion...

Religious Bologna

The older I get the more I detest religion. I mean really! The very organizations that are purported to propagate the gospel wind up being the thing that at least becomes a stumbling block, and at worst totally drives people away from a relationship with God.

Religion is sickening for many reasons. Mostly because it is a device to measure...who's bigger, who's better, who's more spiritual, who's the strongest, who's holiest etc. The fact is none of the devices work. Religious people wind up making themselves smaller and invaluable to the real purposes of God, because God seems to be little interested in man's way of doing things.

In religious circles we find politics of positions. Under the guise of being humble or spiritual we subtly climb religious ladders to assume positions of men. We like them too! The heartier the pat on the back, the more we purr with our pseudo humility.

The bias of religion is painful. Although we are supposed to love all men, we wind up loving those who meet our criteria, who play our flavor of music, who preach our candy-stick sermons and doctrines. In the mix of religion, many walk away from a would be experience with God due to our religion.

Religion is the chief source of hypocrites. If we wouldn't be so concerned with our man-made boundaries, we could focus more on just being real and living openly...even admitting our shortcomings for the purpose of working on them and getting better. But religion....no way! We hide behind our masks of righteousness while we rot inside. There is no place of accountability so religion becomes chiefly responsible for our spiritual abscesses.

Jesus was constantly fighting religion. The Pharisees, neath the cloak of righteousness, were called what they really were by God in flesh. He wasn't the least bit impressed with their traditions or their masquerades. Jesus was much kinder to those who admitted their failure and lack. "Lord be merciful to me a sinner" meets God's approval much faster than, "Look how much I pray, give, serve, etc."

Religion has become a place of competition in our cities. Ministerial Alliances and para-church organizations spend valuable time debating their opinions and flavors. Much energy is wasted tippy toeing around personalities, and the big man on the block...be that the up and coming church, or a church connected to employment or a church connected to a place of higher learning. To prevent 'offending' the wrong people, the work of God....I mean the real, down to earth work of God gets placed on a shelf. Religion is always more concerned about what 'they' think than what 'He' thinks.

May religion die...and the simple Christ-exalting gospel of Jesus Christ take it's rightful place.

if you got this far... leave a comment :)

today

so, i went to my moms to borrow her lawn mower. i got her new weed eater too. it's fantastic. it was really cold out so i figured... what a great time to mow the lawn. i also used my moms old ford aspire to bring the lawnmower over here. (the picture above is similar to what my moms car look like minus the yellow) anywho... so, my mom is helping me load the lawnmower and weed eater into the hitch. she tells me... "be careful that the hitch doesn't fall on your head. it hurts" at one point the hitch begins to fall and we are able to catch it before it hits either of us. oh yeah. another funny thing... this particular car is very old... over 200,000 miles... a wabberjocky stick... like, you've got to pull it up and make it in the exact right position in order to shift gears... and i haven't driven a stick in YEARS.... so, we get the stuff in the car... and i leave to go to my house... that experience in itself was pretty humerous... simply because i decided it was probably best to go really slow and just keep the car in first gear. i did pretty good. i only stalled one time and had to start the car over, and no cars were behind me :) the one time a car was behind me i was at a stoplight and able to make it go pretty smoothly :) anywho, so i get to my house and get michael to help me get the lawnmower out. we open the hitch and begin getting it out. of course i forgot that the hitch falls easily. so what happens? as michael and i are lifting the lawnmower out of the car the hitch falls and gets me right in the head. OUCH! i fell to the ground, held my head, and cried for a few minutes... when i realized blood wasn't oozing everyhere and i wasn't dying i saw the humor in it. pretty quickly as a matter of fact. i may have given myself a concussion because i "forgot." oh my. hopefully next time i remember. so, i started to mow the lawn... i'm about half way finished when it starts pouring down rain... i had about 5 more strips to finish the front lawn so i decided to go ahead and at least finish the front. it will at least look better from the main road :) so now... i'm soaking wet... with some ibuprofen in my system for the pain in the head :) blogging... laughing... and simply enjoying being home with my awesome family :) with a 1/2 mowed lawn.

the beginning and the end.

i love Jesus.

lifes changes

*disclaimer* i am definitely not an expert on parenting, but i do have some thoughts and opinions. they are written below.

when you have a kid your entire life changes. and as that kid grows up life continues to change.

~the thing that used to be the main thing (yourelf) is no longer the main thing anymore. that is how it is for the first couple of years.

~you forget what life was like before that kid was born.

~you are 100% responsible for that kid.

~you love like you never dreamed of loving.

~you have to keep reminding yourself that there comes a time when i will no longer be 100% responsible for my child.

~the time comes when the kid makes their own choices.

~i can't be by his side ALL of the time.

~the most important thing in my life is not the yard or the house, but it's my family.

~Jesus loves us all no matter what we do.

blessings

i've been thinking about all of my blessings. in no particular order they are my husband, my son, my extended family, my house, my junky car (that i'm hoping will last forever), my lawn (even though i have to mow it), my health, my Jesus, my friends, my stuff (all this stuff in our house that we've got), michaels job, my joy.

i know there are a ton more blessings in my life. the above are just a few that came quickly to mind. my son makes me laugh. a lot. let me tell you a story about my day yesterday.

michael and i were at concord mall. we needed new cell phones... our old ones are junk, they were falling apart, not working, just time for new ones. so, we're in the us cellular store getting ready to make the final purchase. they are transferring all of our old information from our old phones onto our new phones. i randomly show the sales guy the picture of the kids on my wallet. on the picture is mazerick, zane, brody, and morgan. those are my brothers kids and mine. i claim them all :) anywho. so, the sales guy was like.... "is this a joke? are those your real kids? that looks like a faux-photo." now that was awesome. it made my day. and, many days to come i'm sure :) it got me thinking about how blessed i am. no, those children aren't fake. i didn't photoshop them in the picture. those are real children! those are my children! well, they aren't all my children. only one really is, but i have called my brother and sister in law and told them that since i've only got maz, who is absolutely awesome i am just going to pretend. so, i've got 4 of the cutest kids in history. just saying :)

our God is good. he has blessed me. i'm sure he has blessed you too. think about it :)

the boy who cried wolf

so... today i told mazerick the story about the boy who cried wolf. he listened, but i highly doubt that he got it. i told him... honey, when you say ouch to everything it's kind of like the boy who cried wolf. and then i proceeded to tell him the story. by the end of the story i was having a hard time saying wolf... and then he was like... what is wolf?

today.... every single time i was with him alone he cried. not just whimpered... but cried. oh my gosh. it was not fun.

he was great whenever we were around other people.... of course. but when it was just us... not so much. weird.

anyway... after michael took over for a bit this evening i went to the computer and submitted something to the secretary of state to make "the den" incorporated. that was fun. we shall see waht comes of it :)

once again... a theif :)

i'm sorry, but some things are too good to pass up. i just have to share them... the following was taken from my friend kendra's blog... she's a cool cat :)

The Mayonnaise Jar (from Aleighopolis. This is a story I've heard before and wanted to share this version)

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
When 24 hours in a day is not enough;
remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly,
he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and start to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again
if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand
and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded
With an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table
and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - God, family,
children, health, friends, and favorite passions
Things that if everything else was lost
and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --
The small stuff..

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are
important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time
to clean the house and fix the dripping tap.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand
and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.

'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend..'

i'm a theif

not really. i just think this blog is awesome.

i'd love for you to share what you think about it.

tears and perspective

i think i probably come across like i have it all together a lot. that is because of my God. my God has instilled in me this little thing called perspective. i lost my dad when i was 13. so, everything i see is through the eyes of someone that lost their dad when they were 13. i had a great relationship with him, and even after he died i continued having really good relationships with really good people. but sometimes when i'm alone... that perspective isn't always at the forefront of my mind.

so today, i go into maz's preschool for this thing called muffins for moms. i hung out with a couple of other moms and a pastor, his wife, and a teacher. the other moms kept talking about all of their kids... and how fun it is to watch their interactions. the whole time i'm smiling, nodding, laughing with them. i am happy for them. i really am. but at the same time i am suffering because it wasn't in our plans to just have maz... though he is near perfect so what can we complain about? :)

but, yeah... we would have loved for our home to be filled with children. laughing...giggling...playing...fighting...hugging...loving... but that's not what God had planned for us right now. and that's okay. we are blessed. there are much more difficult places to be in life. so, i smile and enjoy what i have. i thank God every day for what he has given me.

but sometimes it's hard. and sometimes.... sometimes i cry. and give it to God. and that's okay too.

getting in shape

okay... so, maybe i should get in shape. be healthy. at least a little bit. i am inspired all of the time. commercials, people, blogs, my fat, my kids endless energy, you get the drift... anyway, on this particular evening i was inspired by my friend who was talking about running in the rain. i used to run. in college. and i run here and there, but never consistently.

i've decided that i'm going to have to start slow. so, i grabbed my sons soccer ball that was sitting in the porch and kicked it outside. i ran after it.... ran across the street to the park, and kept kicking it... kicked it down the little hill (multiple small hills) all the while kicking it and keeping up with it... then i kicked it up the big hill (one large steep hill) trying to keep it going forward and making sure it didn't go back down the hill. it was fun. and, now i'm dead tired. breathing like crazy. but, like i said. i'm going to start slow. maybe i'll go down the hill and up the hill one time for a week. maybe next week i'll be able to go down and up 2 times. maybe 3 times the following week, and so on and so forth.

we shall see. now it's time for ice cream :)

more on teddy...

if you haven't read my previous post already you need to read it before you read this one. this one is a comment my good friend jen crum left in regards to the last post.

I was thinking about this on my very long drive last night. You forgot about poor Teddy. I mean...

Here we are going through life, things are good. We're loved and secure and safe. Suddenly, for not aparent reason, it feels like someone's dangling us out of a window on a highway - YIKES! How scary is that? Then we realize that the wind on our face doesn't seem so bad, "hey, I can handle this"

Suddenly.. OH NO! We've fallen onto the hard pavement, we're lost, alone, and afraid. Things have gotten really scary now and there's suddenly little hope. But then, just when things seem black, you see a friend, there is hope afterall. Here he comes!

Wait, no, you can see your friend.. but... THERE'S A SEMI DRIVING STRAIGHT AT YOU! Somehow, when you know things can not possibly get any worse. You are about to lose everything. What can you do, but lay there and shake?

Somehow the semi straddles you. That can only be the grace of God. And then, in the moment that you sigh relief, your friend really does come and pick you up. You're not safe yet, you're still on a highway. But you're not alone. Your friend takes you back to the car where you are once again safe, secure, and loved.

how do we relate?

i was driving down the highway today. mazerick, who is now 4, asked me to put his window down while we were driving so he could feel the wind on his fingers. so, next thing you now... window is down and maz is enjoying the wind. not 5 minutes go by when i see a teddy fly out the window. maz has used the same teddy since he was born. so, what is a mom to do other than turn around and go look for the lost teddy. so, i pull to the side of the road, and turn back. there it is! it the middle of the lane that we just left. oh no! there is a truck coming. we pull to the side of the road, across the street from where teddy lies. the truck is coming, and goes right over teddy. teddy is safe. the truck stradled him. ;) so, i get out of the car, and run to get teddy. my son is crying by this time, but eventually he has teddy safe and sound in his arms. a lesson is learned.

for mazerick the lesson was simple. if you put things out the window while a car is moving you might drop it. and that could be bad.

for me the lesson was a bit more profound. (and not many things are profound in my life) :) that teddy could be me. or any person really. dangling out the window. we've got hope, but we're also scared. scared that we may fall onto open road and get hit by a truck. and well, mazerick... he would represent the problems in our life. the things that we are allowing to hold us, the things we need to physically let go of, or he could be our safety. and, i thought to myself, "what is holding onto me? is it good? is it bad? do i need to hold on for safety, or do i need to rip myself away for safety? would it be better for me to hang on tight and never let go, or would it be better for me to start prying away.. find the safety in the road?"

and in the end is God driving? would i represent God in the story above? God will turn around. he will pick us up and place me up and put me back into his safe arms. and, even if i made the wrong choice... if i let go when i should have clung or if i clung when i should have let go, God will make everything okay. he will. i will trust in him.

do you find yourself in the story? do you see yourself holding on for dear life to something that God might want you to let go of? do you see yourself trying to rip yourself away from something that God has in place to keep you safe? trust God. he'll take care of you.