i rode into work with michael today. i dropped him off and came to panera to finish my book and have some quiet time. my thought process was pretty amusing. i honestly thought, "i hope i don't see anyone i know. i'm just in the mood to be alone for a bit." and, i really couldn't even believe i was thinking that. anyway, if i didn't want to see anyone i knew then why did i keep looking at every person that i came across. i could have just kept my head in my book and distracted, but nooooooooo..... i had to look at everyone. curiosity killed the cat they say :) anyway, i did not see anyone i know... not yet anyway :)
it's funny how my mind works though. i didn't want to see anyone i know, but i did want to be around people. and, even though i didn't know them i was very much entertained by a family that was sitting near me. it apppeared to be a couple about grandparents age, a woman and her two teenage sons. i wished i would have had my laptop out when they were here because they totally had me laughing with their conversation.
i really like listening to others conversations. unfortunately none that i am hearing right now are blogworthy.
so, while i was reading a book for my book club (which i absolutely LOVE), one of the characters said something that i really have thought about. she said, "not everyone recieves a calling. most people just fall into something." very interesting.... i don't think i agree, but it has definitely created some thought. i think that the people that "don't recieve a calling" are really just not looking. Jesus said, "for i know the plans i have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." so, God's got plans for us.... that's our calling... we just need to seek it. my calling for the future is to open a youth center in bremen. that's what i have been called to do. i heard God. in the meantime that doesn't mean i should sit on my butt and just wait for it to happen. i have to get out there, form a nonprofit, get donatiions and grants, work, work, work. but i'm not going to neglect today either. i'm going to fulfill God's calling for my life daily. my daily calling is to be the woman God wants me to be. raise my boy with Gods help and be a help mate to my husband i know it's not all about that. i know that my identity is in Christ and Christ alone, but He has called me to do these things... be a loving mom and wife... and teach my son. speaking of my son... it's really cruddy out here today.... rainy, and the like. and maz has his friend from preschool over, hunter. this is the first time hunter has come over, and these boys are having the time of their life. they are loving it. it's fun to watch them laugh and play together. it's fun to know that God is placing people in Mazericks life from a young age that can be an encouragement and friend to him. i'm glad i get to be a part of it!
is funny. i could stop there, but i will share a few reasons why.
he completely mimics my husband. luckily i am fortunate enough that my husband is pretty funny too.
maz is playing wii golf with grandpa right now and he just said, "aw, can you believe that, bruce?" in a really cute voice.
he swings around like crazy while playing the wii. a lot of times it doesn't even matter what he is playing. could be baseball. could be golf. could be mario kart.... whatever, the boy is always using his energy :)
he's been on this singing kick. he sings a lot... makes me laugh.
so, i have been thinking, learning, the whole gammut lately. so, we are now part of a house church because that's where we feel God's got us.... making disciples, and my husband really feels called to this. so, i'm in. it has made me a bit skeptical or cynical about the larger church. not 100% because there are still things about the larger church that i absolutely love. but, i do have some cynicism. i love the vineyard church and that's where i normally attend if i go to a larger church. but last night i went to gcc because, well, because my brother asked me. his wife anna plays sax there and she was playing. i don't want to be skeptical, but i just am. it's something that just is. i'm sure most people have things in their life like that. if you do and you'd be willing to share that'd be great. i used to go there and i really liked it. and, i realized last night that i still really enjoy it. bob laurent is one of the pastors there and i've always loved hearing him speak. he spoke last night. the music was good and the message was great. he spoke on exactly what i needed to hear. you should check it out on their website. the ironic part (my cynicism) is that God chose to speak to me through something that i'm just cynical of. and, i don't want to be cynical. i love what they do there. i really appreciate them. go gcc... hats off to ya! not that you need my hat off, but anyway... thanks for what you do :)
i can't stop... i've put him to bed 3 times tonight.... but, while putting him to bed he kept getting up and i just let him sit with me... i'm watching letters to God... and it's about a little boy who writes letters to God. anyway, this kid was telling his brother he should write letters to God and that was his favorite way to talk to God... and i said to maz, "you can write letters to God when you get bigger." and he said, "i already write letters to God. but i can only write 2 letters to God. P and O."
so, i'm on the computer and maz is playing wii. i tell him to go to the bathroom before he starts the next game. he says, "nah." i say, "if you don't go to the bathroom you don't get to play another game." and he says.... "harsh."
i was like, did you just say harsh? and he was like, yeah... that's what daddy always says :) what a great kid!
i've been struggling with, well, just with being i guess. i'm all about making other people happy. but, in the mean time i've forgotten about myself. well, i don't want to stop being there for other people. i don't want to stop making other people happy, because in all reality, that's part of what makes me happy... making others happy. but, what i do need to do is remember myself. remember that it's not really all about others. what makes me happy? outside of others, what makes me happy?
*games *hearing from Jesus :) *music *the internet (i know... it's shallow, but true) *fun movies *food :)
man, it's so hard to make a list without including things with people. in all reality i can't really get a lot of enjoyment without other people. sorry, but that's just me. sure, i've heard, "well i can't make you happy" yada, yada... it's true... a person in themselves can't make someone happy, but i think it's okay to be happier because we get to share life with people. hmmm... i think that was a tangent. :)
on to what i was really thinking about.... Jesus... yeah, he's cool
the first thing that Jesus reminded me of today was in 1 john...."let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth." that is what i really needed to hear today because i've been really trying to love my husband by "being there for him." (my words, not his) and, i've been trying to say the right thing because i figured if i can just say certain things he'll feel loved... and it was killing me... it was killing me because i wasn't able to say the right thing. finally, i went in the other room and spent some time with Jesus.... and he said to me... check this out.... and then there was that verse. how freaking awesome is that? pretty awesome.
and also, i am reading in proverbs.... and proverbs 2 says this:
my son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,
turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding
and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding
and if you look for it as silver and search for it as hidden treasure
then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.
wow... if that's not something to chew on and think about i don't know what is.
ah, back to the origination of this post... it really makes me smile when i make people smile. wow, this has been kind of all over the place, huh?