tears and perspective

i think i probably come across like i have it all together a lot. that is because of my God. my God has instilled in me this little thing called perspective. i lost my dad when i was 13. so, everything i see is through the eyes of someone that lost their dad when they were 13. i had a great relationship with him, and even after he died i continued having really good relationships with really good people. but sometimes when i'm alone... that perspective isn't always at the forefront of my mind.

so today, i go into maz's preschool for this thing called muffins for moms. i hung out with a couple of other moms and a pastor, his wife, and a teacher. the other moms kept talking about all of their kids... and how fun it is to watch their interactions. the whole time i'm smiling, nodding, laughing with them. i am happy for them. i really am. but at the same time i am suffering because it wasn't in our plans to just have maz... though he is near perfect so what can we complain about? :)

but, yeah... we would have loved for our home to be filled with children. laughing...giggling...playing...fighting...hugging...loving... but that's not what God had planned for us right now. and that's okay. we are blessed. there are much more difficult places to be in life. so, i smile and enjoy what i have. i thank God every day for what he has given me.

but sometimes it's hard. and sometimes.... sometimes i cry. and give it to God. and that's okay too.