official. still. feeling blessed.

i love my life. God is good. my family is fun. all is right with the world. i've been reading a lot of fiction lately. i've most recently read some books by kathy herman... i think that's her name. they were good books. about how God is in control... no matter what. there were characters in these books that were struggling with the things of life. nothing to major... well, they were major, but when you put your life in Gods hands it just makes things easier. He is in control. He has a purpose for EVERY person... no matter what. whether we raise kids that end up making horrible decisions, lose a child at a way to young age, have a child kidnapped, lose a best friend, it is easier if we just trust God. yeah... we may get mad at God... and i think that's okay... as long as we don't hold it in and talk to everyone except for God about it. He knows anyway. i guess what i'm saying is... I'm glad i've got God. i can't imagine life without him. it's also a little easier for me because it's really just easy for me in general to trust God... He has blessed me with an immense faith. it's easy for me to believe. i don't have a lot of questions. i'm really easy going. i think part of it is that my dad died when i was 13. the way he raised me.... along with my mom... was an easy going raising i guess you could say. they loved me immensely. they were the best parents a kid could ask for... i never worried about being loved. there are things in life that happened that were hard, but with Jesus we could get through it. and that's what i was taught... from an early age. my dad was sick his whole life... but never complained. i'm pretty sure i've adopted his attitude about life. i'm not sick (thank God), but he was so easy going about everything. i'm lucky. God has blessed me with the heart of my dad. those of you that know my dad now how blessed i was... and am... to have all those memories.. yeah, it sucks that he's not here now... but even after dad died i still had memories... and a great mom... and a great brother... and eventually my mom remarried a great man. so, yeah... i've had tons of blessings in my life... in spite of all of the trials... God is good. and i love him. guess i'm just happy about that today:)

money

so, i quit my job because i felt like God wanted me to stay home with Maz. i had a strong sense that he really wanted me to quit. i'm still sure it's what he wanted me to do. but, not having the extra income is really hard. i keep trying to figure out how to make money. and yesterday, as i was talking about looking for a job michael said, "why are you looking for a job?" and i said... "to make money. that's it." and he said, "don't make an ishmael of it." i didn't really get it. he explained... abraham tried to do it on his own, the whole having kids thing... and he began having sex with his concubines... or servants... to get pregnant so he and sarah could have a child..even though God had specifically told them to WAIT because God said that Sarah would get pregnant... abraham and sarah thought it would be a better idea to do it there way. and ishmael was born... he lived in the wilderness with a wild and hostile attitude towards people... so yeah um... i'm not taking things in my own hands. i'm letting God have control. i will stay home with maz like he told me to. i will follow God and seek him. i will trust him and have faith in him. he told me to stay home with maz. i will do it. i will make our family a better one by doing so. God will provide for us:) it is just scary sometimes:) i'm glad to have an awesome supportive husband and great friends. thank you, God.

par-tay!!!

so, yeah... yesteday i went to a surprise party for jenna, and it was great. to see the look on jennas face when she came in was priceless. kendra did a great job hostessing. brian did a great job keepin jenna in the dark. and everyone did a great job keeping it a secret. it was good times.

maz said, "party harty" before we got there. he was excited. when he got there he said, "is this party for me?"

and i've decided that should be my philosophy on life. every time something good happens, i should celebrate. today has been a not so good day for me. i went to church... put my happy face on... was nice... loved people... cause that's what i do... but just not really feelin good about myself. ya know? do you ever get like that?

i must admit. sometimes my self esteem or self worth...just not so good. it's unfortunate. i've got an awesome family, awesome friends, and God really provides for me. but sometimes i just feel like dirt. yep. that's about it.

God is good. he'll get me through.

today.

so, maz is at my mom-in-laws... michael and i both slept until 9:30 today. it was great. i took a shower, and came to the coffee shop... michael was watching bob ross and said he'd be here when it was over... that was an hour ago. weird. anyway, God is so good. I am laughing a lot today. Just thinking...

And, I've not gotten any further in the book "the final quest" but i think i'm gonna put it down for while. i got what i needed to. it's an intense book. i am gonna pick back up the book "only a woman" by terri mcfadden. i picked it up about a year ago, and never finished it... i thinnk that'll be my book like that for a while.

i'm big into fiction, but that's another story.

Anyway... God is good. I love him.... a lot! I'll post again soon:) I've got a lot on my mind, but need to wait to share it:)

catching up.... good stuff

man. a lot to catch up on. last night was m&m wars. it was totally awesome and fun. 14 kids showed up and we had a great time. i got to throw m&m's at kids... good times. it was like capture the flag. each person got one m&m and had to get it in their opponents basket without gettin tapped. if they got tapped they had to give the other person their candy and then come get another one from me. they had to do something silly to get one, but after a while i ran out of silly things to do so i just started throwing m&m's at them. good times:)

oh... and yesterday i had my hair in one of those messy buns... and mazerick was laughing hysterically at me saying... MOM, YOU'RE HAIR! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... the little terd. he was like, I can fix it mom. he kept laughing until i made it into a regular pony tail:)

so, i've been reading the final quest by rick joyner... it's a great book. but it's way deep. i mean i've been reading it for 2 weeks and on page 22. i can only read so much before i have to stop.

here's the first entry from my journal on it... it's just a precursor for where the book goes...

... my goal. pray... ponder... listen... write... respond...

prophecy and visions-something that is seen with "the eyes of our heart."

the more the "eyes of our heart" are opened, as Paul prayed in Eph. 1:18, the more powerful and useful these can be. (prophecies and visions)

Every scripture is taken from the NASV... because that's the only version I could find in my house not on the computer:)

Eph. 1:18; having the eyes of your heart enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints.

the anointing of the holy spirit-a conscious sense of the presence of the Lord, which gives special illumination to our minds.
for joyner, iit often comes when he's writing or speaking... gives him greater confidence in the importance or accuracy of what he is saying.
when does it come for me?

a higher level of vision is what joyner calls "open visions" which is more than just an impression-it's external, viewed with the precision and clarity of a movie screen.

a trance-acts 22; saul became paul, blinded. woke in a trance, saw Jesus. it's like dreaming whenn you are awake.. you don't just see the movie, you feel like you are in it.

the visions contained in this book all began with a dream. the overwhelmin majority was recieved in some level of trance.

states emphatically-NO PROPHETIC REVELATION IS FOR THE PURPOSE OF ESTABLISHING DOCTRINE. WE HAVE SCRIPTURES FOR THAT!

2 basic uses for the prophetic:
...revealing the present or future strategic will of the Lord in certain matters.
...illuminating doctrine that is taught in the scriptures, but is not clearly seen.

"REMEMBER, ONLY SCRIPTURES DESERVE TO BE INFALLIBLE."

Part One...
The Hordes of Hell are Marching....

randomness...

first, to pose a question. is it a bad teaching moment when sitting on the front porch with my 3 year old we are waving at all the people that go by... and when some older people drive by and don't wave back i say, "crazy old people!"? it was fun though.

2 of my friends to note are doing something that i find pretty cool. they are reading through a nonfiction book, whichever they choose at the time, that is uplifting and teaching. novel idea huh? but the catcher is this. they read one chapter a day, and they dwell on it... some people call it "devotions." i have realized recently that the reason i don't do "devotions" is because i don't want to. yep. so, i think i'd like to start doing this same thing only not call it "devotions." no strings attached. we'll see if i can be comitted to it.

wow. i'm sitting here thinking, and looking back on my recent writings and deciding "these writing suck." so, to have a topic. that may make this a little more interesting. or not. we shall see. i'm definitely not going to be like julie in julie and julia and blog about what i cook. though that movie did make me really want to cook. so much for that though. today i reheated pasta. i don't think that counts. and i put some chicken in the crockpot. don't think that counts either.

maz. now there's a subject to blog on. but i don't think he will be the subject of my blogs. how much i love people? a bit too general i think. books? i love them, but don't think people would want to hear my opinions. who knows? jon and kate? ugh. they make me sick! but not them either. makes me mad though. i used to really like that show. so much so that i bought their first season on dvd. now what do i do?!

so... God told me to quit working where i work. guess i should quit already. i've been telling people that i am staying at home, but when people call me i take the shifts because we need money. i am crazy. yep. that pretty much sums it up. quit already girl! quit! quit! quit!

i hate that my son like barbies and pink. on that note. i'll be done for now.

to join the blogosphere...

i would love to join this blogosphere, but i would also just love to have somewhere to laugh, vent, cry, or do whatever i please. and this is it...

today i am laughing.

my son is funny. i would love to quote him. below are numerous quotes (some with explanations, others not.)

responding to me saying, "hey maz, say super cala fragalistic expialadocious."

*that's lame

a few minutes after i have said "there are no options. we're taking naps."

*there are no options. we're staying up.

i asked maz what he wanted for breakfast...

*ummmm, how about macaroni on the cob.

while jumping on the trampoline...

*hey mom! check me out! i can do jumping jakes!

i'm staying at home a lot more than i used to. we're feeling led that i should maybe be a stay at home mom. we're at least feeling like i should get out of this abusive relationship that i've had with my current employer for the past 3 years. who knows. we do need the money. God help us! so, since i've been staying home with maz more lately i've noticed how much funny stuff he says. and, i'm loving it! so, alas, here i will remember it.