changes

i am a people person. i've always been, but not to the same extent that i am today. in high school i was good with one really good friend from school. i was friends with a lot of other people, but there was one person that i always went to lunch with, we rode our bikes after school, and we hung out more than any other person i hung out with at school. i did have a lot of friends from church. i considered a lot of those friends to be good friends. but, since they weren't in my same school, the place i was every day, it was just a different kind of friendship. i am still friends with many of the same people today. good friends. but, you grow up. and, i would like to think that i have grown up in more ways than just the friend category.

i was sitting here thinking, "what ways have i changed since high school? what ways am i still the same? what ways have i changed a lot, and what ways do i wish i would have changed more in?"

i was very, very judgmental in high school. i was a good kid, and i expected everyone else to be a good kid. if they weren't i prayed for them. like that isn't pious? sure, praying for people is good, but i didn't really pray for them because i cared about them as a person.... i just prayed for them because they weren't "good like i was." that is bull crap. this is actually what made me start thinking about all of this. there was one person in particular that couldn't stand me in high school. he was friends with a lot of my friends, but refused to be my friend. i never understood it. i didn't care to much, because he was a "jerk." anyway, i just saw a picture of him... today, and thought... he still thinks of me that way. facebook is a funny thing. you see all of these people that you knew in high school, and possibly become friends with them on facebook. so, i figured... we've grown up. and i requested to be his friend. the dude still refuses. anyway. then i started becoming upset that he was still a "jerk," but what does that make me? the same judgmental person i was in high school? i hope not.

i did notice the other night that i have standards of sin i guess. like, it's okay to do some things, but not okay to do others. which, i know.... it totally doesn't make sense, especially when it's 2 very similar things. but, if i do one thing... what i would consider not a big deal, and then someone else does something very similar, but maybe changes the wording i get all like, "you need Jesus." which, we all do... i do, you do, no matter who.... they do. but, seriously... that's dumb. so, that's something i'm working on. and, i'm putting it out here for the world to see. i am working on being more like Jesus... in all ways... and i will not judge you... because that's not what Jesus wants. i'll try not to cringe when i hear certain words... i'll try not to say certain words... i'm trying here, smalls.

today i have a family of my own. how does having a family of your own change what kind of friend you are? it's harder to be good friends with people i think. i have this desire in me to be really really good friends with a lot of people. but, the thing is... my family will always be first. always. i still need good friends. i do. and, some of my good friends may not be best friends with everyone in my family, but it sure helps. it sure makes it a lot easier. yeah. not much more to say on this one.