the past

when is the past history? is it 10 minutes? is it 10 days? is it 10 months? how about 10 years? sure, history books aren't written until 100's if not 1000's of years later. but, seriously... lets just say i screwed up 10 years ago. when is that history? if i've been living a Godly life since then does that mean i am free from that "sin"? is it okay to try to live life without being worried that i will be labeled because of the past? i understand the whole live and learn thing... but, what about the live, learn, and move on? i can't stay stuck in something? if i have repented of my past... become 100% devoted to Jesus, and living for him daily i'm pretty sure that is when i am able to move on. will the world allow it? yes, there are consequences for my actions... so, i serve my consequences and move on. right?

imagine i did something really, really, really stupid when i was 20. imagine i sold pot at a park. i should have gotten a felony. instead i got some jail time and community service and it was talked down to a misdemeanor. during this jail time and community service i decided to repent. so, i repented. i wanted to live for Jesus. but, people still look at me as a criminal. people still look at me as a druggie. people won't allow me to live to my potential... even though God called me to do things beyond i could ever imagine. God is God and i am not. unfortunately not everyone has been gifted with the gift of discernment and grace. i have been clean for 10 years... ever since that last time 10 years ago. are you ready to forgive me yet? are you ready to live the life that God has called me to?

what if? what if God calls a person that lived the above life into full time ministry? would they be accepted? does it matter if they would be accepted by men? how would they pursue that ministry if they weren't accepted by men?

are all sins the same? of course they are. and they aren't. but, when it is past... does God offer the same grace... the same potential? hmmmmmm... something to ponder.

wheel of fortune, raspberries, and other random thoughts...

My son just saw a commercial for Fish Oil vitamins and said, "Oooooh! It protects your heart!"

He brightens my world. For some reason, I had a little bit of a rough day. There really wasn't a reason for it... like, nothing even really happened that should have made it rough. I played with my boy when we woke up. We hung out here with friends in the morning, he took a nap, I relaxed, made dinner for my family, paid some bills. No reason to be in a rough spot. Sometimes it just happens, ya know? We've got pretty much the same routine after dinner every night. We watch the Wheel of Fortune.... which I've decided tonight that we should sign up to be Wheel Watchers for. Seriously, it is my dream to be on that show, so I can at least live vicariously by being a wheel watcher. People win stuff. Sounds good to me. After "The Big Wheel," as we call it in the Hullinger household, Maz asks for a bath. So he gets a bath... most nights. There are nights that he doesn't because, well, we're lazy. He'll say something to the effect of, "Mama, I want you to give me my bath tonight and then daddy will put me to bed." or vice versa. So, that's our evening. Maz watches the big wheel with us, then he takes a bath, then he goes to bed. Then Michael and I watch whatever else is good that night... or we play a game... or we hang out. Whatever.

We're big fans of "Everybody Loves Raymond." That's what we're watching right now. Unfortunately, I think Ray Ramono has since sold out. It's such a good show. But now he's on some other show... I haven't seen it. It looks funny, but also trashy.

We are also big fans of Survivor. We started watching that last season, and now we're excited for the next season.

24. Yep, we like that too.



Raspberries. We love 'em! Maz gives 'em out like candy. He blows on foreheads, arms, whatever. Good times.

So, I am still praying that God leads me to a pot of gold or something. I would figure since he told me to stay home with Maz for now, that he'll do something like that. Right? Right. So yeah. I'm trusting him :) Love ya, God!

a post that brought back memories from 2001 :)

this video post is awesome! just saying. i don't even know if adam knows that i read his blog, but i do... and this most recent post of him feeding a giraffe is awesome :) it's an actual video. i wish i would have done something cool like that. it did bring back some crazy memories though.

the memories it brought back were of my time in the middle east. i had the chance to ride a camel in jordan... don't know why i didn't i think it was something stupid like i didn't have a dollar or something like that. but, it was awesome anyway. i loved my trip out there. i went with YWAM out of Denver. It was a great experience. I went to a Discipleship Training School there for 3 months. Then I went on an outreach with some amazing people to the Middle East. We went to Cypress, Jordan, and England. While we were in Jordan I saw the camels, went on a fairy ride to Egypt, and toured in Isreal on some of our time off. While in Cypress I had a man try to read my fortune (while walking by myself like an idiot at night), had men propose to me (while with the group) along with the other girls, and got rejected when painting childrens faces. That's right. I mean I painted like a heart or something and the mom took the little boy to one of my friends and said something to the effect of, "that sucks. can you make something better?" only she didn't speak english. anywho... yeah. while in england we had tons of fun with emmas mom and dad. we hung out with the kiddos from their church. we had tons and tons of fun.

anyway... just some random fun times that i was rememberring from my past. did this video bring back any memories for you?

for phonethip mounsithiraj

My heart is grieved, yet I rejoice.
We lost a friend, but he found so much.
His smile, his laugh, his caring touch.
Is gone from this earth, but he is healed.

The ultimate healing has come to him.
The Fathers hands are real to him.
He will suffer no more, there will be no more pain.
His rejoicing is for sure. He had a lot to gain.

-for Phonethip Mounsithiraj


~When I heard that our friend Phonethip died this morning my heart was grieved. In spite of that grief, the Lord has given us a reason to rejoice. I first heard the following lyrics sung at my dads funeral in 1993. They ring true for Phonethip now as well.

"If you could see me now"

Our prayers have all been answered. I finally arrived.
The healing that had been delayed has now been realized.
No one's in a hurry. There's no schedule to keep.
We're all enjoying Jesus, just sitting at His feet.


Cho: If you could see me now, I'm walking streets of gold.
If you could see me now, I'm standing strong and whole.
If you could see me now, you'd know I've seen His face.
If you could see me now, you'd know the pain is erased.
You wouldn't want me to ever leave this place,
If you could only see me now.


My light and temporary trials have worked out for my good,
To know it brought Him glory when I misunderstood.
Though we've had our sorrows, they can never compare.
What Jesus has in store for us, no language can share. (Chorus twice)